What Living with PMDD Feels Like

Let's talk about PMDD & what it feels like to live with it every day.

When I go to the beach, I like to stand at the edge of the ocean, where the water crashes into the shore.  I like to watch my toes sink further into the sand with each passing wave.
I attempt to lift my feet and am surprised by the amount of effort I’ll have to put forth to become un-submerged in the crashing momentum of the waves meeting the sand.
The surprise never diminishes, regardless of how many times I do this.

I realize this is what living with PMDD feels like.

For two weeks out of the month, I am standing at the edge of the ocean, where the water crashes into the shore.  I can see it coming, but I don’t think it will reach me.
Surely, I’m far enough away this time.

No.

It crashes into me with a force so ferocious I almost can’t keep standing.
But I do.  I stand.
And my feet sink further into the sand, with each passing blow.

Fatigue.
Depression.
Anxiety.

I try to lift my feet, but I can’t.

Another wave crashes.

Sorrow.
Despair.
Hopelessness.

Surely, with the next wave I’ll sink completely.  There’s no way I can keep standing.
One more blow and I’ll crumble into the sand.

And then the waves lessen.
They begin to recede.

Low-tide.

Oh, how I’m thankful for low-tide.

I begin to pull my feet out of the sand.
The amount of effort it takes is surprising, though I do this every month.

I stand. Feet free, sun on my face, wind at my back.
I marvel at the strength of the crashing waves.
They can’t reach me now.

But soon, they’ll be back.
High-tide is just around the corner.

For now, I take a deep breath and sigh.
I marvel at my perseverance.
I made it.
One more month conquered.

#livingwithpmdd #momswithpmdd #wiveswithpmdd

And I know that through the crashing of the waves, my legs become ever so slightly stronger.
Next month, I will withstand the waves with a little more confidence.

I know I can do this.

Living with PMDD is like standing at the edge of the ocean, dreading the crashing of the waves at high-tide and praying for the relief of low-tide.

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